Let’s start at the very beginning. A very good place to start.
In June I started working at Camden Market (not in the market, for the owners) doing a whole host of stuff – content, social media, photography, a bit of PR, some events, general marketing stuff. A fun job; something to get my teeth into.
It wasn’t my tragedy to tell, but around three months previously my boyfriend of five years learned the devastating news that his father had cancer. Our worlds fell apart, and we both clung to whatever normality we could throughout the storm of chemo, hospital visits, inevitable ups and downs of our own. For him that was fundraising and trying to find an alternative cure or management of the illness. For me it was this blog.
I threw myself head first into planning, writing, events - anything to distract me from the sadness I couldn't cure and the fear I couldn't master. When you’re the girlfriend or 'other half', you’re half-in half-out. In when they need you to be and out when they need you to be. It’s nothing to chastise and I’m not complaining, it’s just the way it is. I grappled with trying to be respectful, loving and supportive without muscling in where I wasn’t sure if I was wanted. Grief rugby tackled our relationship and I stopped eating. I felt so low that I stopped talking to most of my friends because it was easier than explaining how I felt. If the friends that asked had chosen not to, I doubt I would've spoken to anyone but my Mum about it. It was a terribly isolating time and a time I want to forget.
My boyfriend’s darling dad lost his battle in September, six months after diagnosis. I won’t attempt to put into words the devastating effect this has had on so many lives, but for those that know, grief never goes away. I’ve heard you just get better at coping with it. I can’t thank my own family enough for helping me through the past year.
A couple of months later – around a month ago – a career opportunity came up for me near home. My dream job. And by that I mean my ultimate dream job. It was the best and worst timing; it would mean moving house, potentially without aforementioned boyfriend, leaving London, leaving Lauren and my friends. A time where I felt callous for even entertaining the idea of leaving my boyfriend, but dogged by the thought of it being a one time chance for me before I thought about other life stuff further down the line. On the other hand, I needed the head and healing space – we both did.
I knew I owed it to myself to go after something I’d wanted for years, and after wrestling with the inevitable guilt and anxiety of turning my long term relationship into a long distance one, I went for it - and got it.
Since then, everything has gone into overdrive. We found a new tenant for our flat (in 24 hours - woah), I gave notice to my job and we talked over all the positives – our ability to save more money by living at our respective parents' houses so we could travel, potentially buy a house further down the line, go away for the weekends. Making it work. Getting ourselves - individually speaking - back on track.
The second hardest part is leaving Lauren. Of course you never really leave your best friend, but I can count on one hand the amount of friends who were truly there for me this year through the truly awful times, and of course Lauren was one of them. In fact, out of all my lovely busy friends, she was one of three. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her, Lord knows I love this girl and as my best friend I know it is going to be a huge wrench leaving London and her behind with it. We’ve seen a rise in blogging ‘duos’ since beginning our little blog three years ago, and we can honestly say hand on heart that we’re best friends first, blog partners second – especially when your blog becomes a business and needs management, time, delegation and decisions.
So first up, we’re not going anywhere. So many of our favourite blogging duos live apart – The Style Rawr, Five Five Fabulous – and I’ll still come to London for the events I just can’t miss. ;) Secondly, you'll be seeing a lot more fields on here. You have been warned.
I’m going to miss London living, but the country calls and I always was a country girl at heart – and this country girl needs time to find her happy place again. I’ll divulge a little more on that dream job in due time, but for now just wish me luck. I am so happy and proud to have this opportunity, and I have to thank my blog – and Lauren – for helping me get it.
Felicity
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